My whole body is aching~
- 23rd Jul 2014

Thursday, March 18, 2004


Yeah I now have realized it was after all my fault. The previous entry was an anger reviewed. After lots of hours & tears streaming down like a river, I noticed it was after all my fault. I hid from him about the tone thing. I did not like his tone, I should have told him & not expect him to know. How could I be so immature? Sorry for everything, Marcus. Sorry for ruining your night to join your colleagues for dinner. Worse is for putting you in a situation on how to explain to your colleagues of my absence. SORRY

I have realized that I am actually a very bad tempered person, stubborn… with BIG attitude problem. Because of this I sometimes think that I do not deserve Marcus loving me so much. I decided to starve myself to punish myself for what I have done. Also I got another punishment. I have a splinter stuck in my right hand fourth finger & it wouldn't come out no matter how I use a needle to poke at it or make a big hole in my finger. I am just going to leave it there for it to rot. It is a sign.

Hope God would forgive me for this sin I have done. Again I am sorry. In fact I am sorry to my mom because she saw me crying & I am sure she must have been worried sick. I am sorry mom for making you worry for me.

Of course I would also like to apologize to Marcus’ colleagues. Sorry for making Marcus absent from the dinner & sorry for not being there. I hope I did not ruin any of you people’s evening.

I have ruined a lot of peoples evening/night already. I am absolutely sorry for ruining you people’s evening/night. I do not ask you for forgiveness because I know I have done much of a mess to get forgiveness. Let’s hope tomorrow would be a better day for me because today was a day that wasn’t meant bad to happen to anyone else but me.

Last & but not least, I AM REALLY VERY SORRY!

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